Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
