I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
