i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
