My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
