Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
