chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
