I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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