I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
