The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
