I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
