so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize