just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wish there were birth control emojis
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
