Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's blow job season.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
