So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
