just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
