Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
