Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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