New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
