my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
