Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
