It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
