For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
