I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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