We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
