I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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