how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
