You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
