you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize