You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
