Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
