So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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