I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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