yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
