he puts the penis in happiness.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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