You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
