Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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