I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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