I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
