hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
