I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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