Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
