we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
