I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
