I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
what the fuck happened to the tacos
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
