Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
