i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
