there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
