my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
