I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
