She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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