I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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