is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize