Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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