what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
