So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize