Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
