o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
