It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
