i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
