WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
