i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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