69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
