Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
