Soap is not a condiment
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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