I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
