Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bring me that man meat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
