i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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