I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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