I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
