yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
