based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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