Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
