is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
