Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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