I looked at my own cervix.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
