Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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