According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
